Jane! Get me off this Crazy Thing!

What you will look like if you stay on your scooter too long!

Riding Fatigue is unforgiving. You can work your way up to riding longer distances, that is the best way to go. I would never suggest that a NOOB start off with a 250 - 350 mile trip, but some of them do. If they do they must have a colon made of steel, a bladder the size of a cantaloupe and an a$$ made of what ever Kim Kardashians a$$ is made of.

If you have the time and can make plenty of stops, this is fine. But if you want to go across state in a cannon ball run, you iz CRAZY!

If you are taking a trip, you need to be aware of the symptoms of Riding Fatigue or DUH! WAKE UP NOOB!

• Slow reaction time (Passing up the local Big Boy)
• Reduced awareness/vigilance (I don't know if that guy driving the corvette next to me is hot or not)
• Driving slower than normal (I just read that entire billboard!)
• Being surprised by a passing car (What the heck? Was that a Yugo?)
• Tailgating (KEENKY2? Wha the.. Keen - KY2? OH KINKY2!.... PERVERT!)
• Not seeing deer or other road hazards (Oh, look Bambi! HOLY CRA...)
• Impaired memory (Wait, did I pack clean underware? Oh, no I am a MAN, I DON'T NEED UNDERWARE!)
• Not stopping to rest when tired (If I close my eyes every now and then it is just like sleeping)
• Inability to choose from a diner menu (I ordered GRITS! WTF!)
• Failing to recognize a stop sign or signal (Oh, those don't count)
• Not putting the kickstand down (OMG! IT JUST FELL OVER!)
• Failing to put feet down when stopping (Unh, I can't be bothered)
• Failing to ‘go’ when light changes (Hey, whats up? How you doing, Huh OH CRAP!)
• Inability to calculate purchase amounts ( I owe WHAT?!)
• etc....

Wha-ta-Hell? some of you are saying.... I do this stuff already! Well JOIN THE CROWD and take a DANG DAY OFF! You are working WAY TOO HARD!

What they are leaving out is stuff like...

• Choosing to travel in too tight pants.
• Not parking in the shade and burning your butt.
• Locking your scooters keys in the top case.
• Thinking your scooter won't start because it is broken, only to realize that your kickstand is still down. (Scooter won't start unless the kickstand is completely up NOOB!)

This just means that taking a scooter trip is a little different. You can't chat, take naps or relax and look out the window, enjoy your air conditioning, text your friends, or put on make up. You actually have to concentrate and use your brain.

So take it easy, take plenty of stops. Drink some non-alcoholic liquids, have some food and you should be fine.

Take a Little Trip, Take a Little Trip...

You will find that taking the back roads makes for a more enjoyable ride.

We took a small day trip to Starved Rock Illinois. Taking the back roads is possibly the best way to ride. You will find that these side roads can be just as fast as the highways, with very little traffic and far more scenic. Make sure to gas-up at every available stop, because gas stations can be few and far between and scooters have small tanks.

First rule: TAKE IT EASY and SLOW DOWN! The best part of the trip is the journey. Plenty of stops, taking photos and stretching your legs is REQUIRED. Why are you in such a rush NOOB! Enjoy the ride!

Does my scooter have a fat a$$?

Second rule: Take lots of photos. Every scooterist knows that a trip, well documented with plenty of photos of your scooter set against scenic backdrops is required for posting and internet bragging. In fact go crazy and stop at every single stupid roadside attraction because that is what a vacation is about!

Bonus shot: Heaping plates of greasy foods provided by local dives is a big plus. Scooterists love a good heavy meal before and after a long day of riding. Obviously I have none of these shots because I eat like a wee baby bird, dining only on sticks and an occasional twig.

Do I look 48? Riding a scooter keeps you young and fit... It's TRUE!

Third rule: Packing for the trip. You will be amazed at how much crap your scooter can hold. Pack your top case with the items you will need to have quick access too on your ride. A liter of water or juice along with some plastic cups, food and rain gear is good.

Bungees are AWESOME: Bungees and scooters go together like Zombies and the Apocalypse. Bungee your backpack to your seat and keep the rest of your clothes in there inside a plastic bag in case of rain.

Clothes to pack: Shorts, Jeans, T-shirts, sweat shirts, SWIM SUITS are a must, because anytime you can stop and swim it is recommended. Nothing washes the rigor of the road off a scooterist like an extra hot, over chlorinated jacuzzi.

A swim suit top like a tank top, is also excellent for keeping cool. Keep a wet bathing suit top on under your armored jacket. The wind and the evaporation will keep you cool and refreshed when it is super hot.

A must for the ladies: Your own shampoo and conditioner. Hotels and Motels rarely have decent quality toiletries. In fact they SUCK. So pack your own if you don't want to look like a total RAT BAG.

A must for the guys: NOTHING! MEN DON'T NEED CRAP. HALF THE TIME THEY DON'T EVEN BRING THEIR TOOTH BRUSH AND THEN THEY WANT TO USE YOURS! So make sure your man has a small bag with underwear, socks, and a TOOTH BRUSH.

Park in the shade if you don't want to burn your a$$.

Okay - the whole thing is for your to enjoy yourself. Stop and see EVERYTHING you can. Please take your time and don't be in a rush. You have 8 hours a day to get from A to B. If you are riding with a SPEED DEMON who thinks everything is a big RUSH, just do what I do, and pull over and do your own thing. They will miss you soon enough and turn around to find you.

HAVE FUN!