Saturday, April 2, 2011

Open Letter to Motorcycle Magazine Editors

Found at beginning of scooter review:

"Even those of you who despise scoots as fruity little girl-mobiles may have asked yourselves this question."

Every time I look for a good review of a new scooter, enviably an American magazine writer decides to be, "cute" and begin an article with some jackass statement. The review typically goes on to exhort the praise of the scooter, but it's as if the reviewer is saying something like the following:

"Look, I am a real macho dude, and I have to begrudgingly admit this scooter is indeed a good ride. Okay, so you know, I really like motorcycles and I am really a macho dude and riding and reviewing this scooter does not make me feminine or gay at all, honest."

Since I have been a female my entire life, I fail to see the negative equation in something, "feminine". As if being a female is negative or weak. Or a machine with weak power or performance is feminine.

To which I say:

I am sure you realize, that a weak woman actually gives birth to an entire person!

Yep, an entire PERSON comes out of a WOMAN.

See, we grow people in our UTERUSES.


I fail to see how that is a negative or weak. Could what ever comes out of a penis hold a job, build a bridge, make a BLT? I don't think so.

As for the "Scooters are Gay" attitudes. Gay people can totally kick your A$$. Have you ever watched RuPaul's Drag Race? Do you really want to call those penis-tucking Queens, "Weak"? What type of intestional fortitude does it take to bend your own penis back onto itself and cinch in your waist to 22 inches? ALOT, so SHUT IT!

Okay- that being said, please do not try placate the numbskulls, or your insecure manhood by beginning your scooter reviews with some sort of misogynistic, homophobic retarded statement. It really puts me off and I can't take anything you say after that with any grain of seriousness. When I encounter such reviews I usually fire off a wee letter to the editor which goes something like this:

Dear Sir or Madam,

Since your comment section on your web page is disabled or only goes to 25 comments. I decided to send you this email.

After seeing the Honda PCX 125 scooter at the International Motorcycle show, I wanted to get some information for a friend. So I googled Honda PCX 125 and up popped your review.

And now I ask you, "Why would I even want to read the rest of an article that begins with the following sentence"...

"Even those of you who despise scoots as fruity little girl-mobiles may have asked yourselves this question."

You know what, I don't want to read on. That first sentence clearly demonstrates to me that the reviewer has his head firmly implanted up his own ass.

Would I even care what sort of opinions someone, with clearly some sort of misogynistic-bent, has about scooters. A vehicle that is clearly a respected backbone of transportation in Europe and Asia and other regions of the world.

In the rest of the world, scooters are the work horses. They have toiled in most extreme elements and geography. They have carried the largest of burdens. They break down and through skill and guile, like Frankenstein, they are cobbled back together, to live again. Scooters are loved in Italy, put through their paces in Germany, cherished in England, and utilized to death in Asia and India.

If that seems, "girly" to you so be it.

How about you tell your reviewers to keep their antiquated, low-brow, mislead, misinformed, tired social opinions to themselves and just ride the dang scooter and review it like a professional.

You know what, why doesn't your reviewer come along with me on my commute on my Piaggio BV 500 up I-55 to Midway in Chicago? If he wants to see how a "girl" rides a scooter on the tollway. Then he can tell me how, "fruity" I look.

Until then, suck it losers.


  1. You Go Girl !!!

    Power to the People !!!
    (Especially the ones on Scooters !)

  2. Seems to me whether its a scooter or a motorcycle 125cc or 500 cc is the same and idiot reviewer who doesn't know that is a knob. Do 50 mph on a scooter or a motorcycle is the same speed, scooters just do it with more class! I am tired of this neanderthal biker mentality. I am sick to death of doofus motorcyclists saying that scootering is not biking, IT IS! We face the same challenges and same commutes and generally the scooterist isn't going to be the doofus trying to beat the red light or driving irresponsibly. So those reviewers can bite my pretty little scooter sitting ass.