Wednesday, August 17, 2011

There are worse things than an Irked Jerk

This is for you, Nameless Jerk

Well, well, well, my riding compatriots. Do you all like how the world is going to hell in a hand basket? What with the London Riots, Flash Mob Hit Squads and general hatefulness of the human race? Can things get worse for us...Uh YEAH!

Open letter to the Jerk who deliberately tried to injure/kill me on my scooter the other day:

Dear C*ck Nozzle,

After repeatedly cutting me off and hitting your brakes on Route 53/ I-55 the other day... did you go home and tell your friends:

"Wow! I really messed with this girl on a scooter in rush hour traffic! It was great.

First - I almost hit her when I cut in front of her. Yeah! That was cool. But she beeped at me and went around me. That's when sh*t got crazy.

I went around her while she was turning right and cut her off! Yeah, while she was turning right, I went around her on the left and the cut her off! I hit my brakes and she almost hit my car! Hysterical!!!!

But that's not the end of it.... I then kept cutting in front of her and hitting my brakes.. In heavy traffic! It was AWESOME! I really kept dicking her over. But she finally got away from me so I had to just had to smile and wave goodbye. That will teach her to avoid getting hit by my car. Bi-otchs who beep better watch out when I drive! Take the hit or suffer the consequences!"

Wow Dude, you are a true humanitarian. Yeah, messing with a girl, on a scooter in rush hour traffic, you are the MAN! No one beeps at you and lives to tell about it! YEAH! you testosterone-laden imbecile.

I tell you now... nameless J-hole... you feckless piece of meat, you herpes sore on the face of human race, you breeder of now and future idiot children. You dingle berry on the butt of the gene pool Enjoy your great triumph. Yeah you are a winner! You WIN!!! You get to drive your car in front of me...while I ride my house.. (which is paid for), on my scooter, (which is paid for) and enjoy my life, because God gave me the talent, the ability, and the grace to deal with jerks like you on a daily basis.

I am sure EVERYONE who lives in your Hillbilly Haven will love to hear about your great road rage battle with a 126 lb woman on a scooter during rush hour. What a HERO!

You're Number One!


  1. You forgot to add - I am smart enough to know how to create a blog and have the vocabulary to post about idiots like you.

    Too bad you didn't get his license tag and called the cops. Not to worry he is going to mess with the wrong scooterist or biker one day. You also have the extreme pleasure knowing he has to live with himself and that you probably aren't the only one who thinks he's a jerk.

  2. Nicely put Bel! Waste of time though, I doubt he's literate. Still maybe one of his friends knows how to read and could stumble on your rant and read it to him. It's a long shot though.

    One day you have to do a post on the wiggle thing you do to attract the attention of the numbskull who would otherwise smash into your back wheel. You could have your boyfriend post a video. I've often heard of that maneuver but haven't seen it done.

    Ride safe!

  3. Best thing about posting the RANT is it gets it off your chest and if you live in a small town someone may know who you are ranting about & tell that thereis a not so flattering blog post about their driving.

  4. Thanks guys, I didn't want to get so nasty, but the guy was clearly trying to make me hit him or dump my scooter.
    I am too good of a rider to let that happen. But my anger is what worried me. I really wanted to get off the scooter and yell at him.
    Then i would have been labeled a "nut" and I would have been in trouble. Not much you can do in these situations. Accidents happen, but then some people try to "make' them happen. Those people are evil.

  5. WHAT an a-hole. Good for you not letting him get you. You wouldn't be human if somebody trying to hurt or kill you didn't upset you.

  6. You are singing my tune! Glad you could avoid a metal on metal confrontation. Happens to me, too every so often. Those jerks can be found everywhere and unfortunately nobody stops them from propagation, so future generations of a$$hats will continue the legacy.

  7. That was an awesome (and perfectly justified) rant. Glad you took the time to put in writing what sooo many riders (myself included) all too often feel and deal with.