Saturday, July 24, 2010


In which our heroin guides NOOBs through buying a scooter.


In the off-season, typically in the fall or winter. Dealers may be more desperate to move stock and unload a few scooterS instead of storing them for another year. In big city shops, space is at a premium and often they rent out their shops as winter storage for city scooters. So if they have a two-year-old scooter hanging around, (Like my 2006 BV 500) they want it out. Plus mine was used as a test model and had about 60 miles on it.

I think I got about a $1000.00 knocked off the price.

Price on a current year model scooter is usually not negotiable so save your breath.

You can also try eBay or Craiglist, but do your homework and take a scooter/motorycle person with you to check out the actual vehicle.


1. NO TEST RIDES without a M class license and even then, most places will not let you test ride.

Motorcycle/Scooter dealers are dubious about letting you drop one of their very expensive vehicles in their parking lots. This is why it is important to get your license first by going to a MSF course or Scooter school in your area.

If you do have a license they might be more open for you taking a test ride but even then NO GUARANTEES NOOB!

2. YOU WILL ONLY BE ALLOWED TO SIT ON THE SCOOTERS. The only way for you to find out if a scooter is right for you is by sitting on it. Sometimes they will not even let your START the scooter! RIP OFF! you say, but hey, it's their world. They are keeping their property as NEW as possible.

3. WEAR A PAIR OF GOOD SOLID BOOTS OR SHOES. You need to be able to place both your feet flat on the ground (flat foot it). The best way for you to control your scooter at stops and starts is when you can have both feet planted firmly on the ground.

You will learn that the slightest wobble or lean will cause you to drop your scooter. Some scooters weigh hundreds of pounds and balance is crucial, hence the need to flat foot it.

If you do drop your scooter, and you probably will, do not feel too bad. We all do it. It is picking the damn thing up that is the hard part. 150cc and under are pretty easy to life, anything more requires strength or a special technique I call, "Stand there until some helps me pick the damn thing up". Hey it works!

Now don’t get all pervy on me, but I find that a good fitting scooter is one that you can have it wedged up firmly in your danger zone while you flat foot it. This is NOT EROTIC so stop even before you start, Pervey McPervertson.

Also, if any part of sitting on a scooter is uncomfortable. It is not the scooter for you.

4. INSURANCE, ARMORED JACKETS, HELMETS, BOOTS AND GLOVES, are also part of the package and you can be expected to pay quite a bit. Good quality gear can cost hundreds of dollars. Try things on at the store to see how they fit, but try to buy them on eBay or Craigs List. More about gear later.

5. CAN YOU NEGOTIATE A DEAL? If not, bring someone with experience with you. You don't want to get hit with some sort of BS fee for some sort of crap. If you buy an expensive top of the line, brand-new scooter, they should throw in a helmet or jacket for free, if the dealer is "cool". Especially if you are dealing in CASH.

6. DO NOT FALL FOR HIGH PRESSURE OR BAIT AND SWITCH TACTICS. If you are a NOOB you will NOT need an expensive 300cc or over model. MAYBE a 250, but true NOOBs only need a 150 to start. Please don't kill yourself on a brand new 250. You have to work your way up to riding on highways. It takes at least a few months experience for a true NOOB to get on a highway. If you have 250, you might feel tempted and that is a good way to get hurt.

7, TAKE YOUR TIME. We know you have a bad and rashy case of SCOOTER FEVER, but you have to do your research. See all the scooters you can, see what is being offered. Tell the dealers who has a better offer and see if they will offer to meet that.

8. VISIT AS MANY DEALERS AND SEE AS MANY SCOOTERS AS YOU CAN. It is best to get as much information as possible. Do not make an immediate purchase.

9. SCOOTER FINANCING What are you KIDDING ME NOOB! Keep delivering pizzas and cutting those lawns until you have the CASH! FINANCING IS FOR DWEEBS WHO WANT TO GET RIPPED OFF.

Honestly, I don't know much about the financing of a scooter. I prefer to have the money before I purchase something. It seems to me that after a summer of hard work, you should have enough cash to buy a scooter in the winter or fall...IF you don't spend all your money on wine coolers, rap cds or porno mags YOUNGSTER!


  1. love your blog --- found it on MV congrats on the MP3 400 --- your writing is fun - i can almost hear you talk -- keep it up you have a fan in me.