Saturday, July 24, 2010

This Little NOOB cried Wee! Wee! Wee! all the way home!

Wherein our heroine gets her first scooter and discovers that Red Necks are indeed alive and well in Naperville, Illinois.

When I was a mere niblet at 47 I bought my first scooter. My co-worker and his partner had found a good scooter dealer in Chicago called, "Motorworks" and they decided I should take a look.

We took a ride there after work and I was totally dazzled by all the shiny new scooters! There were so many scooters to choose from, Vespa, Piaggio, and Kymco, but when I saw this little Ivory beauty and sat down on it, I was hooked.

First off, I could flat foot it. So that was great. Second, it just fit me perfectly. (Remember the Danger Zone Theory, people).

A Kymco People 150 has 16 inch wheels, larger than the typical 12 inch wheels of most scooters.(Larger wheels allow for more control, less bumping) So this scooter is perfect for us tall, skinny types. It was light and maneuverable. Of course I figured all this out utilizing only MY BUTT because all they let you do is sit on the scooter, not ride it.

Once it was established that I was indeed buying this scooter, (no matter what), Motor Works installed a brand new battery and cranked that baby up.

Let me tell you, it was like you're seeing your first christmas tree lit up. Super Cool! What is great about the Kymco 150 is that it has audible turn signal indicators, so you know if you have left an indicator on, (An easy mistake to make with scooters).

I also purchased a light blue Corrazo armored jacket and they threw in a free white 3/4 helmet. I now looked like an official member of the dweeb army.

For a fee of $75.00 the scooter was shipped to my house 2 days later.

I was there when the van pulled up and they unloaded it. So AWESOME!

I immediately put on my jacket, boots, helmet and gloves and rode the scooter down to the Middle School, with permit in hand. I kept to the side streets and played it cool.

Empty parking lots are the best place to practice riding. Using the MSF course test diagram found in the permit book, I set up my own obstacle test in the parking lot.

I was doing great! or so I thought...

One night on my way back from practicing, I came up to a four-way stop. As I stopped and a red pickup truck joined me in the other lane. We went through the stop together and as I accelerated to about 25 mph , a very loud and surprising YEHAW! issued from the pickup truck and a BEER CAN flew out of the window and hit me on my helmet.

Of course I did what any scooterist worth their salt would do...I totally lost control, " JEEZBUS CRISP!"


I went over in slow motion. I can still see the entire sequence, clear as day.

Luckily, I was next to a grassy medium between the lanes. My scooter slid on its side up against the curb and I pushed myself off and began rolling.

As Captain Kirk will tell you, rolling actually helps.

I rolled and rolled and rolled. It was like;

blue sky

blue sky

blue sky
gee, that tree is getting closer

blue sky
I really hope I stop before I hit that tree...

Finally I stopped about 2 feet from the tree and I jumped up. I was all like, "Yeah, I meant to do that".

First things first, check all my bits and pieces. Once I was sure everything was working I went to the scooter, shut it off and picked it up.

Cars were pulling up, and checking on me. People were so far off they did not see the entire event, but once I picked up the Budwiser can and told them, they rushed off in pursuit, for all the good it did, the FARRAGAN ICE-HOLES were long gone. BASTAGES!

First thing, I was okay, my armored jacket and helmet really helped during the tumble and all I had was a scraped knee and some grass stains on the jacket, which came out in the wash.

Second thing, the scooter wouldn't start! JEEZBUS CRISP! (Now, can anyone guess why the scooter wouldn't start??? Anyone... PERHAPS I LEFT THE KILL SWITCH ON!)

Ahhh, I can laugh now, but I pushed the damn thing about 7 blocks all the way home before I found out the kill switch was still on. DING DABBIT!

My scooter was scratched and dented, and so was my pride.

I called my friends, crying and feeling sorry for myself, but I was mostly ashamed that two DINGLEBERRIEs had gotten the best of me.

The next day I made sure to get out and ride my scooter around the block. Oh yeah, you know I was super nervenoid and tense, but I did it. Gradually I went back to my usual routine and then onto scooter school.

But the entire event did show me something... That I was determined to ride, I could survive a fall if I was lucky enough, and TURN THE KILL SWITCH OFF if you want to start your scooter NOOB!

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