Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Jane! Get me off this Crazy Thing!

What you will look like if you stay on your scooter too long!

Riding Fatigue is unforgiving. You can work your way up to riding longer distances, that is the best way to go. I would never suggest that a NOOB start off with a 250 - 350 mile trip, but some of them do. If they do they must have a colon made of steel, a bladder the size of a cantaloupe and an a$$ made of what ever Kim Kardashians a$$ is made of.

If you have the time and can make plenty of stops, this is fine. But if you want to go across state in a cannon ball run, you iz CRAZY!

If you are taking a trip, you need to be aware of the symptoms of Riding Fatigue or DUH! WAKE UP NOOB!

  • Slow reaction time (Passing up the local Big Boy)
  • Reduced awareness/vigilance (I don't know if that guy driving the corvette next to me is hot or not)
  • Driving slower than normal (I just read that entire billboard!)
  • Being surprised by a passing car (What the heck? Was that a Yugo?)
  • Tailgating (KEENKY2? Wha the.. Keen - KY2? OH KINKY2!.... PERVERT!)
  • Not seeing deer or other road hazards (Oh, look Bambi! HOLY CRA...)
  • Impaired memory (Wait, did I pack clean underware? Oh, no I am a MAN, I DON'T NEED UNDERWARE!)
  • Not stopping to rest when tired (If I close my eyes every now and then it is just like sleeping)
  • Inability to choose from a diner menu (I ordered GRITS! WTF!)
  • Failing to recognize a stop sign or signal (Oh, those don't count)
  • Not putting the kickstand down (OMG! IT JUST FELL OVER!)
  • Failing to put feet down when stopping (Unh, I can't be bothered)
  • Failing to ‘go’ when light changes (Hey, whats up? How you doing, Huh OH CRAP!)
  • Inability to calculate purchase amounts ( I owe WHAT?!)
  • etc....
Wha-ta-Hell? some of you are saying.... I do this stuff already! Well JOIN THE CROWD and take a DANG DAY OFF! You are working WAY TOO HARD!

What they are leaving out is stuff like...
  • Choosing to travel in too tight pants.
  • Not parking in the shade and burning your butt.
  • Locking your scooters keys in the top case.
  • Thinking your scooter won't start because it is broken, only to realize that your kickstand is still down. (Scooter won't start unless the kickstand is completely up NOOB!)
This just means that taking a scooter trip is a little different. You can't chat, take naps or relax and look out the window, enjoy your air conditioning, text your friends, or put on make up. You actually have to concentrate and use your brain.

So take it easy, take plenty of stops. Drink some non-alcoholic liquids, have some food and you should be fine.

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