The ART of being a Qween on the Scene

Forever a Qween on the Scene!

When I tell people that I ride my scooter about 60 miles a day down the Chicago tollways into Midway.. they usually say, "OMG you ride that thing in that crazy heavy traffic??"

So how do you, a petite hottie scooter rider, become a fantastic Qween on the Scene when riding in traffic? You do this by riding with focus, constantly scanning the road and lastly, by communicating via body language to all those around you.

Qween on the Scene Instructions:

1. OWN YOUR SPACE. Body language on a scooter goes a looonnng way. You have to let the drivers around you that you are "Large and In Charge".

You do this by having a physical attitude. It means pulling yourself up and puffing yourself out to be as physically large and regal as possible. Your movements must be calm and focused. YOU ARE the vehicle and YOU ARE in control.

Remember: This in itself will not stop DooshBags from hitting you.

2. PROJECT YOUR INTENTIONS. When changing lanes or turning, make sure you look at least two times. This is not only for your safety, but you are projecting your intentions to others.

When some squirrly driver starts to drift over in their lane towards me...even before they are even thinking of switching lanes, I make my move.

I either back off and give them room, or move up and get in their field of vision.

During Traffic Jams: When you are all moving VERY SLOW and cars start edging over, trying to get into your lane so they can keep moving, I simple tilt my head in a manner that says, "Oh no you didn't".

If they continue to move over, I hit my horn and give them the DEATH LOOK. Head tilted down and to the side. No matter what your size, you gotta be FIERCE!

If they keep coming, I get outta the way. Then I cuss them out from inside my helmet and roll on. It happens.

This entire procedure lasts only moments so you have about 1 second to decide if you should just brake and let them in or if you have no place else to go and need to fight for your position. It is your call.

Remember: This in itself will not stop DooshBags from hitting you.

3. DO NOT LOSE YOUR TEMPER. You don't win with a confrontation with a Car or Truck. Let it go, move on. When you buzz by them, you can give them the, "DEATH LOOK".

Remember: This in itself will not stop DooshBags from hitting you.

4. STAY FOCUSED NO MATTER WHAT. Don't gawk or drift or day dream or get rattled. Many are the times that I have been shook-up mid-turn by some J-hole and then found way down the road, my turn signal was still on. Don't get rattled and add to the confusion. This undercuts your perceived skill level.

Remember: This in itself will not stop DooshBags from hitting you.

5. KEEP YOUR STOPS CONSISTENT AND SMOOTH. Consistent and smooth stops builds your capabilities in other driver's eyes. They will not challenge your lane position if you are consistent, EVEN and IN CHARGE. This means maintaining a good speed and distance from the vehicle in front of you. Sure Jay-holes will cut you off and some idiots may be too busy texting to see you. This is why you have to stay focused and keep scanning.

Remember: This in itself will not stop DooshBags from hitting you.

7. THE BUTT WIGGLE FOR THOSE WHO TAILGATE. People are going to tailgate and try to intimidate. For Tailgaters, apply the "Butt Wiggle Maneuver". This usually scares the heebies outta other drivers and they should pull way back from you. You may look unstable to the average drivers, but at least they won't roll over you at a quick stop.

Remember: This in itself will not stop DooshBags from hitting you.

You know what will... not riding a scooter! Also not leaving your house, not having a job and not living your life, sooo...

So those are some of my scooter riding tricks for heavy traffic. Remember, if you are easy spooked or nervous, riding on highways are not for you. Stick to the secondary roads and enjoy the scenery!